Last nite's emotion was complicated. Im not some1 who can cry tt easily, although dropping tears happens often; i don't show it. After reading that post, it got me..... During the stay at the apartment, it made me felt that i had a brother, a same age grp brother that i can make fun and quarrel with. That nite, when u couldnt even walk in a straight line, i din noe wad happened to me but i gt really angry. I was sorry that i even gave a face to the others. What made me angry wasn't the fact tt u almost got us in trouble or anything. It was that, why are u doing this to urself ? I was angry with myself that i can't do anything and allowed you to resort to this method to numb youself. i think sometimes im too insensitive yet sometimes over sensitive. But i always realise it after the error had been made. It came the announcing of the results. I was prepared for the worst although i noe i might not be able to take it. When i saw his tears, i noe wad he was thinking. I was really happy for him yet sad that i cannot continue together...but the greatest thing that happened was tt hug. It replaced every word, every sentence. It was my pillar tt made me go on till this day. It made me realise that i truely haf a fren tt can make me forget all sadness and be happy for him...tt i haf a fren that becomes sad even though he was the top of the competition. That was the time i felt real friendship in the air...even mr low could feel it. There comes subcom camp...which was the deepest valley. Having a couple best frens is not easy i guess. What i felt was losing 2 besties at once...not a gd feeling. But its one example tt i was over sensitive (maybe?) i still haf my 2 besties now, and my frienship towards them its not what u can think of. to last nite. although i said i din wan to hear tt sorry, but it meant everything. the weeks that we were not talking, i seriously thot i did something wrong, and i still think so. He said he was hurt over what i said during the 1st week when we returned for traning. But tt sentence really made me..... i din even dare to tok to pam for week....then slowly, conversation became scarce. I was really sad, i din noe wad happened, but what i noe is that if i were to keep my mouth shut then maybe i wun say the wrong things. But i felt tt if tt was to carry on, then this friendship will jus be gone. No matter how simliar we are, no matter how much we can understand each other, if there cant even be a proper talk between 2 fren, then i dunno wads frens anymore. We always said that we are gd frens....to me...best frend....but at tt time i asked myself - are we jus saying it or are we really gd frens? But now, i noe tt its not jus verbal..... This 2 weeks he really changed alot. We are talking lyk last time, i dunno is it bcos of wad i told pam or really its wad he told me. But im jus glad...really really glad that we can be talking again... If jus mere talking, isnt it too surface? Is he using it to cover up his unhappiness? why are we always showing the strong side. The strong side is shown to others...are we jus "others" ? I wan to share wadeva i haf with them, but sometimes its not appropriate. Sometimes i feel lyk sms-ing, but will make him waste his msgs....so i jus drop the idea... I will treasure everything that i have now and i tried every best to do what i can do for them. Even if i had to leave this world this very moment, i would go remembering my besties... some ppl dun get to feel how isit lyk to haf a burger on ur table when u dun haf time to eat, to find logenzes when u are having sore throat....but i felt it... i noe both he and she has lots of frends and i may be jus their gd frend, but noe that theres some1 hu treats them as his best.... 10 years down the road....who noes wad will happen...but i do really pray hard everything can be jus lyk the same as now....
